Colour Blindness

“It means you see colors differently than most people”.

Colors are gorgeous. and through all my life, I have seen colors differently, well, I didn’t see color until I was seventeen. Before that all I knew was white, grey and black.

white for the “perfect” world my family try to put me in. white is too rigid. and it doesn’t feel like home.

grey, for the save space in my room, with some distance form the dazzling white brightness of my family, and some protection from the black in my head. A really dark black that’s been there twelve years from now.

Black as a blurry color, but constant when is silence and lonely. I like grey, is between white and black, I think. And grey is better than black, I think, it helped me survive

I never knew better (maybe I did, u just don’t remember it).

Then I meet colors, all of them, all at once. And it was beautiful, overwhelming but beautiful. Imagine not being able to see color, and then watching all of them at the same time.

It was great, but maybe too much. I start taking every pill I found, blue pills (I liked them because before that, I was off color) constantly on the edge of breakdowns. But living the colors somehow. I wasn’t going to make it to eighteen. I barely make it to fourteen.

I see them, the colors. and feel happy, usually in the middle of 4am and falling sleep. I start smiling from the bottom of my hearth, but keep getting high to see the colors “better”. Suddenly they were mixed, brighter, hallucinating, confusing but in a unique harmony and at the same time separated. distorted.

I like it that way, so I wanted more

distorted. I was there, looking at the colors but couldn’t tell the difference, I make myself colorblind, I make myself unable to unmix them.

The white and black were always present, but less. I probably won’t be able to stay complete away from white, because of the pink. I like pink, and red. And about black, I hope I forget it someday, maybe not today, but someday. Because black is scary, there are blacks darker than other blacks.

All that time, I had a fake prism, I thought I was seen colors as they were. But it was a fake prism. Or maybe Colour Blindness

Sometimes is good to see on the past, see the grey and realize that the boring, helping to survive grey, became a masterpiece, made by different colors. And its enjoyable.

there are people, people like the sun, yellow, I think, that pop in your life like the sun getting rid of the grey clouds that been there for so, so long. They are bright, the good bright, the bright that helps you shine, and they help you see the rest of the colors better. Thanks to those people.

Colors are gorgeous.

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